MACAVITY THE MILK FIEND
Featuring Phoebe and Mags Worthington of " The Mews " Belgravia
[With apologies to T S Eliot]
TIME SETTING 1948
Dame Katrina Ogilvy : An Opera Singer
Olga : Russian Cook to Dame Katrina Ogilvy
Natasha: A Ukrainian Kitchen Maid at “The Mews”
Phoebe & Mags Worthington
Daniel : A Telegram Boy
“Someone’s stealing our milk” declared Natasha,
the Ukrainian kitchen maid to Dame Katrina Ogilvy at “The Mews”,
“ That’s two weeks in a row, dear Olga” complained Natasha, sighing and jiggling and fiddling with her keys as she addressed her colleague, the famed Cook in residence.
Olga was not just a Cook. Rescued in Prague from deadly Communist pursuers by Dame Katrina Ogilvy, Olga had a link to the last Tsar of Russia's family.
The kitchen maid Natasha kept a tally on a little chalk board of all the missing milk, the board was a prized family heirloom made by her late grandfather, a woodcutter by trade in Kiev, he'd given it to her as a Christmas gift when she was aged 7.
The smart, efficient, kitchen maid, raised in true 'Uncle Joe Stalin' style, had a flair for bureaucracy, and was ready to give her full report.
“ There’s been one full bottle of milk short from our weekly entitlement of three Imperial pints for each adult living here, so that’s nine pints in all ” pleaded Natasha in deadly serious tones.
“It’s daylight robbery!” she signed and grunted and jiggled her bunch of keys declaring loudly:
“ But who can it be? Who is this demon, this scoundrel, this thief, this milk fiend?”
The house Cook, Olga, left her snug warm lair inside the Mews kitchen to examine the scene of the apparent milk crime outside the front door. There was no sign of spilt milk on the ground, no discarded milk bottle or milk top, no abandoned dribbles or any broken bottle, either full or empty had been dumped in amongst the grassy garden borders. It was a complete mystery.
The heavy metal crate belonging to Wisharts & Paterson Dairy was standing where it usually stood, intact, it could take up to nine bottles and it was completely empty.
Wisharts & Paterson were by far the best
delivery service in the whole of Pimlico and Belgravia district and
were approved by Royal Appointment as they also took the milk to
The milkman, Mr Jimmy Spiers, had been leaving the milk at "The Mews" for many years without any incident or shortfall.
Wisharts & Paterson were especially proud of their motto of “This Fresh Milk Is British”. Their herd was reared on an award winning farm at Wemyshill.
Olga also checked the collection of bottles of milk inside the little pantry used to store the supplies kept aside in a cool place. There were several full bottles and one that was half filled – that one was to be made by Natasha into a sweetened curd and lemon and orange cheese cake, based on her dear grandmother’s rare Ukrainian recipe, passed down the generations and carefully kept a family secret as if it was a matter of state.
Olga knew the half filled bottle was a carry over from the week before. Usually there would be a maximum for the week of nine full bottles, with up to two bottles used each day, so Natasha’s report of the theft was confirmed, there was one bottle left and so one was definitely missing.
What was to be done to solve the mystery of the milk theft? Any theft, even of milk was a serious business, especially as post war time rationing was still firmly in place. Moreover, every bottle of milk allocated to “The Mews” was needed – and a shortage would affect the ability of Olga and Natasha to fulfil a full menu for all the inmates. Not least affected were Phoebe and Mags Worthington, Dame Katrina’s two wards who enjoyed their daily milk ration. There was also milk needed for a regular stream of Dame Katrina’s dinner and house guests. Dame Katrina often entertained her dear friends from the world of opera. In her own right she was a distinguished opera singer with Caledonian Opera, her own touring company, and found great fame across several countries.
Elsewhere at “The Mews” Mags Worthington was finishing her breakfast and had been listening to the conversations from the kitchen. She was one of the two feline wards of Dame Katrina Ogilvy and had overheard all the commotion over the missing milk. Mags really liked milk. She knew from the tones that this was a serious issue and so she went off to to find her sister Phoebe, to discuss all the latest hot gossip.
"You look smugger than usual this morning ” said Phoebe to Mags, “ I know you know something” adding “ …..come on my dearie, what is it, out with it, spill ?”
Mags drew breath.
“ Oh darling. There’s a milk snatcher in the neighbourhood, Phoebe, and I know who it is,” bleated out Mags. “ Everyone in the kitchen is talking about the missing milk, what am I to do, Phoebe, tell me, oh tell me?”
Phoebe was in shock, she was not expecting this milk drama to hit her. For one thing she hadn’t had her own breakfast but she knew Mags had had hers and before facing the day she wanted to toddle off without any more delay or diversion to grab her daily tit bits – those that the Cook, Olga, usually left for her away from and out of Mags’ reach.
“ Bless my soul” moaned Phoebe. “ Is this another one of your tall tails, another far fetched story, Mags Worthington, just to get some attention?”
“No, No, Phoebe, dear, I definitely know the identity of the milk thief”.
“ All right then, Mags” sighed Phoebe, “ Who is it?”
Dame Katrina Ogilvy was relaxing on her deep lined couch in the music room working with a score taken from the libretto of Giacomo Puccini’s “Madame Butterfly”. The gramophone was belting out the same piece – it filled the whole house with exotic tones and cheered the gloom in the kitchen that was subdued over the missing milk.
Un bel dì, vedremo
Levarsi un fil di fumo
Sull'estremo confin
E poi la nave appare
Poi la nave bianca
Entra nel porto
Romba il suo saluto
Vedi? È venuto!
Io non gli scendo incontro, io no
Mi metto là sul ciglio
E aspetto, e aspetto gran tempo
E non mi pesa la lunga attesa
E uscito dalla folla cittadina
Un uomo, un picciol punto
S'avvia per la collina
Chi sarà? Chi sarà?
E come sarà giunto
Che dirà? Che dirà?
Chiamerà Butterfly dalla lontana
Io senza dar risposta
Me ne starò nascosta
Un po' per celia
E un po' per non morire
Al primo incontro
Ed egli alquanto in pena
Chiamerà, chiamerà
"Piccina, mogliettina
Olezzo di verbena"
I nomi che mi dava al suo venire
Tutto questo avverrà, te lo prometto
Tienti la tua paura
Io con sicura fede
L'aspetto
Olga was hesitant about disturbing Dame Katrina when she was working. However this theft of milk had to be reported as it was now a repeat crime spanning several weeks. Olga also knew her Puccini and that the very next piece being played by the record on the gramophone was on the flip side, so Dame Katrina would have to stand away from her venerable couch and change the record over to hear the next chorus in the set.
Olga also knew that her mistress would need time to rise up as the couch was so deep that she wouldn’t get out of it speedily. The gap in time before Puccini’s enchanting music continued gave Olga ample time to speak to Dame Katrina.
“ Forgive me interrupting, please, Madame” said Olga, standing in the doorway of the morning room.
“ May I have a word with you about a most serious domestic matter?”
Dame Katrina’s head turned attentively at hearing Olga’s words, uttered in a manner of concern and unease .
“ Of course, of course, my dear Cook, replied the Dame, “ Yes, Puccini can wait for now.”
Olga was relieved and consoled by seeing Katrina smile. Puccini always put her in a good mood.
“What is it that is troubling you, my dear” asked the Dame.
Olga explained the mystery over the missing milk.
“Someone must keep watch from the time the milk is next delivered to try to identify the thief” said Dame Katrina.
“Very well Madame, I shall ask Natasha be on the alert and ready to pounce and catch the villain.”
Phoebe Worthington had overheard the exchanges between Dame Katrina and Olga as she was lying in a cosy corner of the music room on a easy chair.
Mags had told Phoebe whom she thought - indeed she said she knew- who was behind the case of the missing milk. Phoebe recalled Mags’ accusation pointed to a ginger cat, a mystery cat – notorious in the neighbourhood as being something of a master criminal, well HE was the prime suspect. His name was Macavity.
However, the fact was that Macavity’s alleged commission of various crimes, if indeed he was the guilty party, were the complete bafflement of those (including Scotland Yard) who investigated the instances afterwards. He had never been caught red handed, as he had never, ever, been found present at the scene of any of the crimes where he was suspected as the miscreant.
Phoebe recalled the extraordinary boast from Mags about the eerie skills of Macavity including his ability to step effortlessly into a hidden dimension unknown to most people.
“ His powers of levitation, my dear would make a faker stare” claimed Mags.
“Levitation” thought Phoebe “Complete nonsense and Tommyrot.”
But was Macavity stealing the milk at "The Mews" ?
Phoebe loved her sister Mags dearly but thought that Mags could exaggerate at times and reel off far fetched stories. She didn’t know what to make of Mags claiming the milk snatcher was this mystery chap called Macavity.
Phoebe considered whether she should now even tell Mags about the plan being undertaken to catch the thief, namely that Natasha would be waiting on hand to pounce immediately upon the villain after the next milk delivery.
Unknown to Phoebe, Mags had a plan of her own.
She knew Phoebe didn’t always believe her, moreover Mags was
worried that every feline in
Mags knew this unusual power she had of special sight of seeing Macavity engaged in his criminal act was part of the same rare gift she’d shown at least once before when she came face to face with Montgomery, the big dragon, and secretive occupant of Lameside Loch at Auld Murdie Hoose, the Ogilvy family seat in Scotland. Montgomery was a creature who rarely appeared to anyone, but he had been seen and befriended by Mags.
Natasha the kitchen maid was not best pleased to have to rise before dawn to try to catch the milk menace who was stealing their milk.
For one thing she had a date at the flicks with Daniel, the local GPO telegram boy, they were due to see a dance movie at a cinema in Leicester Square featuring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers called “The Story of Vernon and Irene Castle”.
However duty was duty. Daniel knew all about duty. He got Natasha home close to her usual bedtime. Outside “The Mews” they performed a little dance together from the movie they’d just seen and for the first time ever they kissed before they parted. Neither of them said anything and they quickly went their separate ways.
From an upstairs widow of “The Mews” Phoebe and Mags Worthington saw everything below, all to their great delight, and this enticed them to dance too.
At another window Olga the Cook saw the two young people embrace. She sighed, knowing such a romance could not be straightforward, there were secrets and lies preventing the match.
Natasha rose from her bed as early as she could manage on the following day, the day of the next expected milk delivery. She was still tired and sleepy from her date with Daniel and could think of nothing else but the fact that they had kissed.
Beating off a mix of tiredness and excitement she yawned and stretched. She then found herself an ideal cubby hole in the outside porch which had a small window overlooking the place where the milk crate was left with three empty bottles waiting to be replaced with three full ones.
It was a cold and frosty morning. Unknown to Natasha Mags was up too and had perched herself inside an old discarded saucepan.
As usual the milkman Jimmy Spiers arrived, took the empty bottles and put down three full bottles and moved on to his next customer.
Natasha found it hard to stay awake. Mags transfixed her eyes on the milk bottles. Almost immediately there was a heavy rustling behind a bush on the pathway out of “The Mews. ”
Only Mags could actually see and hear that this noise was caused by a ginger cat, tall and thin with sunken eyes, indeed it was Macavity, ready to swipe the milk. The thief appeared in a sort of greyish mist and performed the most dazzling trick by levitating one of the bottles of milk up into the air.
Mags came out in full view and much to Macavity’s irritation. They eye balled each other like Roman gladiators. In an instant the attempted theft from Macavity’s dastardly trick was disturbed and if by Mags’ divine intervention, the milk bottle returned to its original place in the crate.
Macavity was poleaxed at being caught and unmasked, his magic powers crumbled to naught immediately and he scurried off whining and shaking.
Mags beamed.
“ Don’t ever return here thief!” cried Mags.
Macavity scampered away, his confidence and reputation in tatters. He never returned again to plunder milk at “The Mews”or in any of the adjoining neighbourhood.
Inside the porch Natasha had fallen asleep and saw absolutely nothing of the events between Mags and Macavity.
When she awoke she found three full pints of milk intact.
There never was another theft of milk.
Phoebe did not believe Mags had played any part in solving and ending the crime.
Only YOU dear reader know the truth.
TO BE CONTINUED ( PURRHAPS ) 24 DECEMBER 2021.
· Historical Note : Milk Rationing in this post war era was 3 Imperial pints ( 1.7 litres) per week per person with an addition of a tin of died milk every 6-weeks.
STILL AVAILABLE
THE BOOK
"Tails of Phoebe and Mags
Of “The Mews”, Belgravia
Two Darn Cats"
Invented by William Cross, FSA Scot
With thanks to Louis Wain & TS Eliot
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